


There is Love and There is Sadness

by Lastavica



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Angst, Baby Names, Best Friends, Conversations, Dealing With Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Honesty, Hurt/Comfort, I eat fluff and feels for breakfast!, Joyful, Life - Freeform, Love, Married Couple, Nature, One Shot, Pain, Peace, Post-Season/Series 07, Pregnancy, Romance, Second Chances, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trauma, Two Shot, Worry, being vulnerable, cuteness, growing together, happiness & sadness, joy & pain, three shot, ultrasound, unborn children
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27577613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lastavica/pseuds/Lastavica
Summary: The first ultrasound is a joyful experience, but Patrick's feelings about family will never be black and white.
Relationships: Patrick Jane/Teresa Lisbon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Heartbeat

Patrick couldn't stop looking at it. Teresa smiled to herself as she kept catching him in her periferal. He held the ultrasound image like a treasure between his fingers, just looking at it. Since they'd left the appointment he hadn't spoken a word. His silence was so deafeningly happy that she felt no need to break it and just kept on smiling as she drove. They were headed to her house, but she was beginning to think lunch by their pond sounded better. Hearing their baby's heartbeat for the first time needed to be celebrated and she had the rest of the day off anyway.

"You wanna grab something to eat and head over to the cabin?"

He looked over with a smile. "Absolutely."

That broke the spell. He put the little picture inside his jacket and in a moment his hand had found its place on her stomach. She covered it with her own as the turn for her street passed by. They'd been splitting their time between the airstream and her house, the latter promising to be far more comfortable as pregnancy progressed. After the baby came, they planned to be full time at the house. It would be a long time before the cabin could be called home and they were both fine with that. The baby's arrival would definitely slow the remodel, but that was okay. Patrick was as excited to be working on the place as he was at the thought of it being a finished home for them.

They picked up sandwiches at a shop they'd come to favor along the way. When they pulled up and parked behind the airstream Teresa took their lunch from the car and waited for Patrick. He went to grab a blanket from the camper. Hand in hand they walked to their log at the other end of the pond. Once they'd eaten and a significan portion of Patrick's bread had been thrown to the ducks, the two of them sat and listened to the breeze rustle in the reeds. He wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulder and she leaned against him. After a little while he pulled the picture from his jacket again and held it out for both of them to see.

"This is our baby." He said, like he was still trying to convince himself.

"It's our baby." she agreed.

Neither of them could keep from smiling. He pressed his cheek to her hair while his other hand softly brushed her shoulder.

"So," she said "At the next ultrasound do you wanna find out what it is?"

"It's human I hope." He said plainly. Her soft chuckling shook them both. "You know what I mean."

He grinned. "I do."

"And?"

"I don't know." He said honestly.

"Really?"

"Really. Do you want to know?"

"I think I'd like to."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Well, we've got some time."

"We do."

Teresa closed her eyes and listened to the calm rythmn of her husband's breath. Birds and breeze and bugs all melded gently with the sound. Patrick couldn't take his eyes of the picture in his hand. A sadness crept into his expression. It didn't overtake the joy he felt or push away his peace, but it didn't go away.


	2. Breath

Patrick was in no hurry to quit the FBI. He loved working with his wife every day and wasn't ready to change that. Besides she had no intention of going on maternity leave until she was ready to pop (her words). Patrick was also handling things better now that she was being so careful about field work. Cho was filling the team with competent, good people. Teresa liked them, but it was an adjustment watching someone else leave the office to bust in a door or take somebody down. It was harder if Jane went with them. Although he was now more gun shy than ever, hanging back even further from the action than was his usual habit. After the wedding, before they returned to work they'd had a serious conversation about putting themselves in danger. With a child on the way, they found that they were on the same page about it. Nonetheless Patrick could see Teresa struggle with the change and made sure she talked about it. With his vibrant history of dishonesty and having almost lost her because of it, he was so earnest about them discussing things openly. It meant the world to her, but sometimes was a little annoying. She had her pride just like he did. But even minus the more badass (as Patrick would put it) aspects of the job, she still loved her work. And just as they'd promised each other, she looked on the bright side. Spending more time at the office with Wiley proved to be something she really enjoyed. She started to feel like he was a bonus kid brother. Although he had started spending a little more time in the field he was, as always, indespensable to the team behind a computer. Guilt free junk food snacking during the day was a big bonus too. She always had something open on her desk. Patrick found it amusing to close his eyes while laying on the couch and listen to her munching at her desk.

Pretty soon, they were coming up on the next ultrasound appointment. They hadn't discussed finding out the sex of the baby since the first one. Teresa of course wanted to know, but she could tell something about that initial conversation had bothered Patrick. Things had been busy with work and him starting the remodel on the weekends. And with being so tired in her first trimester she just hadn't found a good time to bring it up again.

After work one night they got tacos at their favorite food truck. It was a lovely night but they sat on a bench only long enough to finish eating. It had been a long day and Teresa went to shower as soon as they got home. Patrick of course put the kettle on first thing. While he waited for the water to boil, he pulled the ultrasound picture from the fridge and just looked at it. A little while later Teresa came back out in shorts and a hoodie, looking as cute and comfortable as ever. Her hair was still damp and she seemed to be revived from a shower. She settled into the couch cross legged and watched him come over carrying his steaming blue tea cup.

"Did you want a cup?" he asked.

"I'm good. Thanks."

He sat down on the couch beside her and took a sip. For a moment he closed his eyes and enjoyed it slowly.

"Good?" She asked when he opened them again.

"Mm hm." Then he put the tea down on the coffee table. "Lisbon, I was thinking."

She was about to reach for the remote, but the way he said it made her stop. Instead she shifted herself on the couch to face him and took his hand. "What's up?"

"You want to know if it's a girl or boy, so I think we should find out. You're the one doing all the work. Plus you hate surprises."

"Yes I do." She smiled. "Thank you. That's sweet. " Then she eyed him. "But there's something else."

He nodded. "I feel like I shouldn't keep it from you."

"Ok."

"I would love to be surprised, but I'm afraid..." He looked away. "I'm afraid if it's a girl that I'll... have a hard time with it." He looked back at her and met her eyes. "And I would want to be past that when the baby comes. You deserve that." He exhaled slowly. She could tell he wasn't done though. "I think if I hadn't lost Charlotte... the way I did, I might've ask you to consider letting it be a surprise." He gave a short nod, indicating that he had said what he needed to.

She squeezed his hand. "Thank you for being so honest with me."

He drew a breath and exhaled slowly again.

"You know," She added as he reached for his tea again. "I'm kinda scared of having a boy."

"Because of your brothers?" he asked.

She nodded.

It was his turn to squeeze her hand. "They're great people." He said.

"I know. It's just..." She didn't continue.

"I know."

She moved over to lean against him. He put the tea cup down and wrapped his arms around her.

"You wanna just go to bed?" She asked. Her voice didn't sound sad, just tired.

"That's a good idea. ...You ok?" He asked, neither of them moving yet.

She kissed his cheek. "I really am."

He smiled and so did she. "Me too."


	3. Smile

They were having a girl and they couldn't stop smiling about it. As the ultrasound tech cleaned the gel from Teresa's abdomen, they held hands, grinning at each other like fools. Before even getting to the car, they were tossing around name ideas. The next day at the office, Patrick kept writing joke names on little pieces of paper and leaving them for Teresa to find on her desk. He laughed to himself later when he found that she'd stuffed them in his tea cup and left it in the break room cupboard. They didn't make progress on the subject until that Friday night.

"I want to give her a pretty name." Teresa said as they were sitting under the stars.

They'd gotten dinner after work and then come to the cabin because Patrick couldn't wait to ask her opinion on some of his newest plans. It was a lovely warm night and she suggested they just crash in the airstream instead of bothering with the drive back. Sitting on the porch steps listening to the night for a while was so much more appealing to both of them than getting back in the car. She could deal with the undersized bed for one night.

Her husband feigned offense. "And I want an ugly name?"

She laughed. "No, I mean I want to name her after a flower or something nice."

Immediately his expression softened with the sweet surprise he felt. "Really?"

"Yeah" she said, gently bumping her shoulder against his. "Why not?"

"I'm just a little surprised. I thought you'd want something more traditional."

"What like Teresa?"

He smiled. "I've always loved your name. I was actually going to ask you what you thought of making it her middle name."

"Just the middle?"

"Oh come on." he laughed, knowing full well she wouldn't want two Teresas.

A screech owl suddenly made its presence known. If she hadn't spent so many nights there growing accustomed to all the wildlife noises, it would have freaked her out. The sound did startle her, but she instantly recognized it.

"Hello to you too, sir." Patrick said to the darkness. Then he took her hand. "So flowers."

"I know the names of like three flowers." She admitted.

"Not to worry." He assured her. "Do you like Iris?"

"No."

"Lily?"

"No."

"Daisy?"

"Gross."

Patrick chuckled. "Gross?"

"Yeah, gross."

"Alright." he shrugged, grinning.

"Cosmo, Zinnia, Aster, Blossom, Poppy?"

"No. No. No- Wait! Cosmo?"

He laughed hard, hoping she'd caught it. "They're beautiful flowers!" He defended.

"No way!"

"How about Petunia? We could call her Tunie."

She thought about it. "That's really sweet." Then went quiet for a second. "But no."

Patrick's face seemed stuck in a grin. He was finding this too much fun. "Ok," he said, thinking again. "Rose?"

Teresa's eyes got wide and her expression melted like she'd just seen the cutest thing. "I love Rose!"

He felt like he'd just won the best prize.

"You know what?" she said. "Teresa Rose sounds better than Rose Teresa. But we'll call her Rose."

His face lit up once again. "That's perfect."

She smiled at his reaction and leaned in to kiss him. When they broke apart he bent down and put his face close to her stomach. "Hi Rosie." He said softly.

"Oh, she hears you!" His wife's hands moved instinctively to her belly. She took his hand and put it there too. "There she is."

His smile turned to awe. "It's like she'd dancing in there."

"Teresa Rose Jane."

He looked back up at her. The full name from her lips for the first time was the most beautiful thing Patrick thought he'd ever heard.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a lyric from Brett Dennen's "Little Cosmic Girl". I am madly in love with that song and have probably listened to it a BILLION times in the last few months.
> 
> "Little cosmic girl, isn't it a big world?  
> Say, don't you worry about the little things  
> Don't let the daylight rob your dreams  
> Little cosmic girl, isn't it a wild world?  
> There is love and there is sadness  
> And there are miracles and madness  
> And we may never understand  
> No we may never understand"


End file.
